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April 28th is World Day for Safety and Health at Work! Find some jokes about it:

Danger is my middle name
but Safety first.

Why did the safety manager avoid the pile of LSD in the middle of the floor?
He felt it was a tripping hazard.

BMW recalls 300,000 due to one safety hazard...
The drivers.

I've started wearing a bike helmet, cause I find safety important. Now people stare and make fun of me. I'll never go to that spinning class again.

Some Safet quotes

If you think professional safety officers are expensive,wait until you see what an amateur costs
Follow the safety rules or you will be fired before you hit the ground
“In case of fire, exit building before tweeting about it.”
You’ll look pretty stupid trying to eat corn on the cob with no teeth
While on a ladder, never step back to admire your work
Ladder safety has it’s ups and downs.
Don’t watch her behind. Keep safety in mind!
Safety’s OK if you got all day.
Our aim is to keep the toilets clean – your aim will help!
When safety is a factor, call in a contractor.
Work Safely and Carry a Big Lunch Box
Be Safe at Work Today; Call In Sick
If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane

#joke #short #safetyandhealthatwork #safetyandhealthatworkday

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Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE!”
I’m happy to report that I succeeded.

#joke #short

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Health inspector: "I'm afraid you have too many roaches in here."
Restaurant owner: "How many am I allowed?"

#joke #short

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A man was stocking produce at the grocery store when a woman approached, asking, "Excuse me, where's the broccoli? I can't seem to find it."
He replied, "I apologize, ma'am, we're out of broccoli today. We'll have more tomorrow morning."

Resuming his work, he was arranging oranges when the same woman tapped his shoulder and inquired again, "Where's the broccoli? Do you have any?"
He patiently responded, "No, ma'am, we're still out of broccoli. We'll have some tomorrow morning."

Moments later, the woman confronted him once more, demanding, "Why can't I find any broccoli? Where is it?"
The man said, "Please indulge me for a moment. How do you spell 'cat' as in 'catastrophic'?"
She answered, "C-A-T."
He continued, "How do you spell 'dog' as in 'dogmatic'?"
She replied, "D-O-G."
Then he asked, "How do you spell 'fu*k' as in 'broccoli'?"
Puzzled, she said, "There is no 'fu*k' in broccoli."
He exclaimed, "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU, LADY!"

#joke

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I don't like the high seas. If I ever went on a pirate ship, they would clock me in the groin, and call me ‘gland clubber!‘

#joke #short

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Why does a burger have less calories than a steak?
Because it is in its “GROUND” state!

Have you heard of the physicist who got chilled to absolute zero.
He’s 0K now.

A photon checks into a hotel and the bell boy asks what luggage he carries. What could be Photon’s reply?
“I did not bring any luggage, I am travelling ‘LIGHT’.

How many general relativity theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
It takes two: One will hold the light bulb, and another will “rotate the space”.

Why can't you trust an atom?
Because atoms ‘make up everything’.

Why can’t you bring ‘electricity’ to parties?
Because it does not know how to ‘conduct’ itself.

You are in a high school and you see an experiment. How will you know which class it is?
If green and wiggly things are placed inside, then it's a biology lab. If it stinks, it's obviously the ‘Chemistry lab. However, if the experiment fails, it's a “physics” lab.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks about the price.
“For you sir, No charge at all!”

What does the male magnet say to the female magnet?
I saw you from the back, and thought you were ‘repulsive’, but now that I see from the front, I find you ‘attractive’.

What did a quantum physicist say before a bar duel?
Let me at-om!

What can a duck say to a physicist?
QUARK! QUARK! QUARK!

What did the Uranium-238 nucleus say to his partner?
We gotta ‘split’!

Two cats fall off a terrace at the same time, at the same speed. Which one did fall off first?
The one with the smaller “mew”.

What can a beginner’s guide to physics include?
Relativity: When the family gets bigger
Black hole: What you get in black socks
Critical mass: a group of film reviewers
Hyperspace: the place where you park your car at a megastore!

#joke #walksintoabar

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It’s National Hug a Plumber Day on April 25! Find few sort jokes and one bit longer joke about Plumbers

What do plumbers and teachers have in common?
They both gotta deal with little crap all day.

What does a plumber say in a library?
"Pipe Down!"

What vegetable do plumbers hate?
Leeks.

What do plumbers and economists have in common?
They both deal with gross domestic product.

Why was the plumber tired after a day's work?
Because the work had been too draining!

What is the similarity between a plumber and a bodybuilder?
They both like to pump irons!

When the plumber had a near-death experience, he almost saw his entire life flush before his eyes!

What do you call a plumber who has become super and has his own game?
Super Mario!

A plumber received a call from a woman, requesting his help with a leaky pipe in her apartment. When he arrived, he was pleasantly surprised to find that the woman was quite attractive and had a stunning figure. As the afternoon progressed, the two grew increasingly close and intimate.
Around 5:30 p.m., the phone rang, interrupting their passionate rendezvous. The woman answered the call and then informed the plumber, "That was my husband. He's on his way home, but he'll be heading back to the office around 8 p.m. If you come back then, we can continue where we left off."
The union plumber stared at the woman in disbelief and responded, "What? On my own time?"

#HugaPlumberDay #NationalHugaPlumberDay

#joke

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