AWOL

Which letter is silent in "scent"...
Is it the 'C' or the 'S'?

#joke #short

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What's the reason you don't hear a lot of fondue jokes?
Most of the time, they're excessively cheesy.

#joke #fondue # #short

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Today is Bicycle Day! Find a joke about it!

Q: When is a bike not a bicycle?
A: When it turns into a driveway.

Q: What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
A: Attire (a tyre - gettit?).

Q: What do you call two hippos riding a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!

Q: Did you hear about the environmentalist who went down the same bicycle route twice?
A: He re-cycled.

Q: What do you call a therapist for cyclists?
A: A cycologist.

Q: How do you greet an OAP on their new bike tires?
A: Congratulations on your re-tire-ment!

Q: Do you know the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?
A: The road.

Q: What's the difference between a boy scout and a guy fixing bicycle horns?
A: One's motto is ‘be prepared’, the other's is ‘beep repaired’.

#bicycleday

#joke

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Why do vegetarians have no sense of humour?
Because they are irony deficient!

#joke #short

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Delusions of obesity?
You might be a hippochondriac.

#joke #short

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Yesterday the Police arrested me for unsolicited Spooning...
I wasn't charged, they just held me over night.
Which I loved, by the way.

#joke #short

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Today is International Bat Appreciation Day! Find a joke about it!

What is a bats favorite TV show?
Love at first bite.

What does a vampire use to bake cakes?
Batter.

What’s printed in the newspapers when a vampire dies?
An obatuary.

What did the bat do when he didn’t know the answer to the teacher‘s question?
He winged it.

How does a bat say hi to her mum?
With a sound wave.

Why do bats live in caves?
Because they rock.

What’s a vampire bat’s favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.

How do bats do the register at school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.

What animals are best at cricket?
Bats.

What do little bats eat?
Alpha-bat soup.

#internationalbatappreciationday

#joke

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I just found out I'm colorblind.
The diagnosis came completely out of the purple

#joke #short

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