AWOL

Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds.
They’ve left no tern unstoned.

#joke #short

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A computer once beat me at chess...
But it was no match for me at kickboxing!

#joke #short

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My sister was busy getting ready to host our entire family for Easter. On her to-do list was a hair appointment for her daughter.
"So, Katie," said the stylist as the little girl got up in the chair, "who’s coming to your house this weekend with big ears and floppy feet?"
Katie replied, "I think it’s my Uncle Brian."

#joke

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A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work.
When confronted by his boss the man explained, "You can't park anywhere near this place!"

#joke #short

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The owner of a company tells his employees, “You worked very hard this year, therefore the company’s profits increased dramatically. As a reward, I'm giving everyone a check for $5,000!”
Thrilled, the employees gather round and high five one another.
“And if you work with the same zeal next year, I'll sign those checks!”

#joke

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A Prius just tried to race me at the light...
I totally had it for the first 100 meters, but I can only walk so fast.

#joke #short

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A man offers a girl in his office $1,000 to sleep with him. “I’ll put the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll be done by the time you pick it up,” he explains.

The girl consults her boyfriend who advises her to go ahead but to pick up the money really fast. Having not heard anything for an hour, the boyfriend calls her back.

“I can hardly walk, let alone make a phone call,” the girl says.

“What happened?” her boyfriend asks anxiously.

“He used $1 bills.”

#joke

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