Funny Stuff

My house had been burglarized and the police were taking a report. The policeman asked me, “Have you lived here all your life?”I replied, “Hopefully, not yet!” #joke #short #policeman Read more on page

A country rube is about to get married and he asks his Pa, “Pa, how can I tell if I’m the first feller Norma Sue has ever been with on our wedding night?” “Well that’s easy son. Just do what I did on my own wedding night. All ya need is some red paint, some blue paint, and a shovel.” “What the heck do I need those things fer?” “Well son, you take the red paint and you color one of yer testicles red, then you take the blue paint…

An older man at the evening function bowed his head and wept quietly but copiously while while a young woman rendered the plaintive ballad, “My Old Kentucky Home.”The hostess tiptoed up to him and inquired tenderly, “Pardon me, are you a Kentuckian?”“Nay, madam,” the tearful one replied, “I’m a musician.” #joke Read more on page

Live from London’s free-thinking comedy club

Here is a joke that my 8 year old twins found very funny when I told them: A man enters a craft chocolates shop and asks if they could make a chocolate model car for him. “Sure, no problem” “And can it look like the VW Beetle that my dad had?” “Nice idea, no problem at all.” “And can you make it so that the chocolate doors open and you can see the interior detailed in chocolate, like with a plastic model car? Same with the bonnet and trunk?” “that…

A man goes to the doctor complaining about constantly hearing the song “Delilah” in his head. The doctor says, “That sounds like a textbook case of Tom Jones syndrome.” The man asks, “Never heard of that. Is it common?” The doctor responds, “It’s not unusual.” #joke #short #doctor Read more on page

The United States is the only country where a housewife hires a woman to do her cleaning, so she can do volunteer work at the day care, where the cleaning woman leaves her child.Go figure. #joke #short Read more on page

A powerful Emperor advertised for a new Chief Samurai. Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai. LNumber One Samurai, “Demonstrate your skills!” commanded the Emperor. The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and “swish”; the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two! “What a feat!” said the Emperor. “Number Two Samurai, show me what you can do.” The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing…

“I’m a walking economy,” a man was overheard saying…“My hairline’s in recession, my waist is a victim of inflation, and together they’re putting me in a deep depression.” #joke #short Read more on page

I was sitting on the sofa last night watching TV, when my wife from the bedroom yelled, “Do you ever get pains on the chest like someone’s got a voodoo doll and they’re stabbing it?” I replied, “No.” Then she asked, “How about now? #joke #short Read more on page