Funny Stuff

A private walks past and the colonel says “Say there, soldier, do you have four quarters for a dollar?” “Sure thing, dude, gimme a moment,” says the private. “DUDE?!” yells the colonel. “Do you not see the gold leaf on my shoulder? Stand to attention when you talk to me and address me according to my rank!” “SIR YES SIR!” replies the private, coming promptly to attention. “That’s better, soldier. Now, as I was saying — do you happen to have four quarters for a dollar?” “SIR I DO NOT…

A cow and a pig are watching TV. Pig: “Wanna watch something scary?”Cow: “Okay by me.” So the pig changes channel to the Food Network. #joke #short #animal #pig #cow #food Read more on page

Drunkard #1: I will become the chief prime minister tomorrow!Drunkard #2: That’s impossible… I haven’t resigned yet. #joke #short Read more on page

A lawyer, sitting next to blonde on a long flight, was pestering her to play a game ‘I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me, and vice-versa.’ The blonde politely declined and tried to get some sleep. The lawyer made another offer: ‘Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, but if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $1000’ The blonde agreed. The lawyer asked the first question. ‘What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?’…

I was standing at the bar in an International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer. I asked him, “Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?” He says “No, why the fuck would you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?” “No”, I said, “It’s because you’re drinking my beer, you little fucker.” #joke #drinks #beer #sport #karate Read more on page

If you want to change the world, do it when you are single!Once you’ re married, you can’t even change the TV channel. #joke #short Read more on page

A guy walked into the restroom at a restaurant in LA, and realized that the guy at the sink washing his hands was Frank Sinatra. He greeted Frank, and told him he was a huge fan. Frank smiled and thanked him. Then he told Frank he was with a date and wanted to impress her. Telling Frank his name was Bob, he asked Frank if he could come and greet him by name at his table. “No problem” said Frank and he went back to his table. About ten minutes…

A guy dies and goes to heaven. He looks around and sees clocks. He asks St. Peter, “What are all these clocks for?” He replies “OH, those are lie clocks, everytime you lie the hands move.” “Whose is that?” “Mother Teresa’s. Its never moved.” “How about that one?” “Oh, thats Abe Lincoln’s. Its moved a bit.” The man thinks awhile and asks,”What about [insert politician here]’s clock?” “Oh that ones in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.” #joke #mother Read more on page

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That wife of mine is a liar said the angry husband to a sympathetic palseated next to him in the bar. “How do you know?” the friend asked. “She didn’t come home last night and when I asked her where she’dbeen, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley.” “So?” “So she’s a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley.” #joke Read more on page