Funny Stuff

What do you drink on Halloween?Boos. #joke #short #halloween Read more on page

Guy’s wife is having a heart attack and he calls 9-1-1 G: My wife is having a heart attack, send an ambulance quick. 911: What is the address G: 1567 Eucalyptus Street 911: And how do you spell that? G: E, U… wait, U, E, C… wait Y,E…. fuck it, meet me on Oak, I’ll drag her over there. #joke Read more on page

Sadly my obese parrot just died. But it’s a huge weight off my shoulders. As I was sitting drinking my morning cup of tea in my slippers, I thought to myself… I really must wash some cups! “999. Which emergency service do you require?” “What time is the next train out of Victoria station?” “Sir, that is not an emergency.” “It most certainly is, I’m tied to the tracks!” Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control. But cases continue to…

A family of three was heading to Kansas, and they got to the airport way early. The four-year-old son, super excited, kept wandering off, so his dad had to chase him down over and over. Finally, the dad got tired and said, “If you wander off again, I’ll check you in with the luggage!” Of course, the kid wanders off again. So the dad picks him up and takes him to the gate agent. The agent says, “Uh, sir, you can’t check in your own child.” The dad sighs and…

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner. “Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.” The Inspector asked, “What of the third body?” “Ah,” says the coroner, “this is the most unusual one.…

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house up on that hill.” The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. “What’s so funny?” asks the clerk. “I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house,” the man replies.…

What is a forum?It’s two-um plus two-um. #joke #short Read more on page

Superman calls to Lois Lane, “Lois come in here a second! I want you to see something.” Lois comes into the room and says, “What is it?” Superman points across the room at their dog, whom he has dressed up with glasses and a tie. Lois says, “… who the hell is that?” #joke #short #animal #dog Read more on page

A man walked into a library and asked the librarian, “Do you have any books on Pavlov’s dogs and Schrödinger’s cat? The librarian replied, “It rings a bell, but I’m not sure if it’s here or not.” #joke #short #animal #cat #dog Read more on page

An Englishman and a Dutchman are sitting in a pub. The Dutchman says to the Englishman, “Every time I see you in here you walk out with a different girl. What’s your secret?” The Englishman replies, “It’s really easy. As soon as I walk into the pub, I casually toss my Rolls Royce keys onto the bar, and the gals practically throw themselves at me.” The Dutchman says “Wow, you’ve got a Rolls Royce?” The Englishman replies, “No, I’m just as poor as you. I bought this Rolls Royce key…